mewtwo870:

hooligan fruit causing trouble at night

shitshilarious:

"whats for dinner mom?"

A vase of spaghetti and milk in a floral glass

s-c-i-guy:

Classic

thenames-hiccup:

yo mama jokes don’t work very well here

jonesmadeatumblr:

asgardiancherrypudding:

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, GENDER ROLES?

This is actually probably the best way to do things.

Don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women. That’s not a compliment, it’s a competition none of us agreed to.

kaylainthetardis:

amoracomplex:

dirtrider333:

zombikki:

veganasfuck:

how many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw. 

this is the best joke ever

haha…fuck you - sincerely every friendzoned guy ever

You wish - sincerely the women who are by no means obligated to sleep with you.

*mic-drop*

tutimon886:

mbrainspaz:

So my university had a ‘stress-free resort’ station set up today to help students combat the stress of finals week.
There was a coloring table
image
complete with Lion King coloring books
image
There was a lego table
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and PUPPIES
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also, free massages. 

This is the most wonderful thing that ever happened in four years of college. 

Our school should do this

withmelancholy:

mainlyboredom:

hugging when two people have boobs is basically playing boob tetris.

titris

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”